I denied it. I fought against it. I ignored those little niggling doubts. I never sat down and added the 2 + 2 that was staring me in the face. I remained positive, hopeful. Turned a blind eye if you will to what was staring me in the face.
I discovered you can only bury your head in the sand for so long and something will happen or maybe a couple of things will happen in a relatively short time span that cannot be ignored. You are forced to add all those numbers up. And you will be devastated when 2 + 2 equals 4. It can no longer remain buried. It has to be faced and it’s hard. You don’t want to believe it. You want to turn away. You want to pretend some more. And then the tears start and the resources you need to continue are non existent, have fled, just when you need them the most.
I rallied of course, because others were depending on me. I rallied of course, because I had to. And because I did my beautiful, little daughter adopted at birth has a chance to lead a normal life.
The event was an insignificant little thing.
Nine months old, unable to sit on her own yet, she fell and banged her head. I picked her up, tried to cuddle her against my shoulder. She resisted. Crying her little heart out she sat stiff as a board on my lap refusing to draw strength from the loving cuddle I wanted to give her. Up to that point, despite all the research I had done I had been denying the truth. She was exhibiting a classic symptom of FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome) and I couldn’t deny it any longer. I had to face the truth and it was hard.
It amazes me even to this day how I and so many other people when confronted with a truth that’s hard to face, don’t do it. We hide, we deny, we pretend as is well and I think it’s because change is scary. And when we face the truth a change has to happen. Change. A word that strikes fear into most people’s hearts.
Change is not bad. It’s just different and with my little girl, facing that truth has changed her life. Has given her a chance to live a better life.
Thank God we have the ability to change. To overcome that fear of the unknown. To embrace the newness of life as we move down a different path. My life is richer for it and so is hers.
My expectations are high as we continue on a new journey. We greet each day with delight and anticipation that each day will bear beautiful fruit.
I faced the truth. It was hard. I’m glad I did. I only had to sit down and add everything up. All the hints, all the little niggling things had to be added to the equation and the truth had to be faced. I’m glad I did it with her and in life in general. Learning to embrace the truth and the changes it brings has made all the difference in my life. My path is filled with sunshine !
To your success,
Joyce Penner
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Hi Joyce,
Have spent some time on your site, scanning posts back a month or two. Your frank and to the point writing style is something I enjoy and similar to my own.
My blog is much newer than yours (I’ve had other irons in the fire for a while) but I’ve added you to my blog links. Hope you don’t mind.
Keep up the good work, we’ll talk soon.
– Michael
ezmichael.wordpress.com
Joyce, I had no idea this was happening in your life. What a beautiful gift you’ve given your daughter by seeing her life through the lens of clarity, and for the opportunities for health and wellness that will now come her way because you can now make relevant choices. My prayers are with you and her. Your friend, Linda
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