Negative emotions are not natural. They are not a normal part of our make-up. They have been learned and can be unlearned. Have you ever seen a negative baby?? All negative emotions we experience are because we have been taught or we learned to be negative.
Hence, we can eliminate them from our lives. The most common are doubt, fear, guilt, resentment, envy, jealousy and anger.
Brian Tracy in his book Maximum Achievement states “There are four main causes of negative emotions” and he lists all four. At different points of my life I have fallen into all of them.
Justification: Big one for me and maybe for you as it is a huge part of human nature. We feel wronged somehow and the first thing we do is find someone we can tell our story to and they will validate us in our self-righteous indignation. If someone agrees with us we feel justified in our negativity. The answer: Refuse to allow yourself to create all kinds of reasons why you are justified in feeling the way you do. As Jim Rohn says “Don’t sign up for that class”.
Identification: or taking things personally. You can only become angry about something to the extend to which you can personally identify with it. Case in point: My father was an abusive alcoholic man. I get extremely angry very quickly if I hear of a child who is being abused. I can identify with it strongly. The answer: Stop looking at things from a personal perspective. Step back, be objective and it will give you the clarity to see the situation without your emotions involved. I will freely admit that is a tough one for me when it comes to child abuse but has been extremely effective in other areas of my life.
Lack of consideration: It is easy to become angry when you feel that people are not giving you your just due or that they are not respecting you the way you feel you need to be respected. Your ego becomes involved if you are not recognized properly in a social situation or someone is rude to you. You feel slighted and anger can and does set in. Answer: Withdraw your energy from it. Starve those negative emotions and cut them right off at the root. A quote, unknown author, hits the bullseye and provides a bit of humour – “You should not worry so much about what other people think of you, because if you knew how seldom they did, you would probably be insulted.”
Blaming: The fourth and final cause of negative emotions lies at the root of all of them. Probably 99% of your negative emotions depend for their very existence on your ability to blame someone or something else for making you unhappy. Stop. Right there and think that one through. How often do we blame others for what we are feeling right now? Answer: Accept full responsibility for your emotions, for your situation, for what is happening right now. “I AM RESPONSIBLE” takes the negativity out of any situation and places you in a position of saying “Where do I go from here”. Blaming focuses your attention on the past. Taking responsibility focuses your energy on the future. “What do I do now based on where I am now.”
Brian Tracy says it best, “The continued existence of even one negative emotion in your conscious or subconscious mind is in itself enough to sabotage all your chances for happiness. A single negative emotion of blame or anger can interfere with your peace of mind indefinitely.”
Isn’t your future success and happiness worth cleaning out, stomping on and eliminating all and every negative thought, word or action you allow your conscious mind to dwell on?
Mine is.
To your success,
Joyce Penner
